Party political conference season in Britain and politics.

 Party political conference season in Britain and politics.

We are now heading into party political conference season in Britain and, once again, all is not as well as it should be. All the preparations have been made, the stages are set, the microphones are in place, the banners and slogans are emblazoned all over the locations where the new Labour government, the Conservative Party and the Liberal Democrats may be situated. It used to be the case that seaside resorts were the preferred choice for these lively debating chambers but the last time we looked there were no politicians playing with buckets and spades, no sandcastles on the beach and very few candy flosses to go around.

The trouble is that most of us tend to think of as politicians as prepubescent children who do nothing but create mischief, and then, in later life, get caught up in scandal and financial difficulties from which there is no escape. For the last 14 years or so, we thought we were trapped, ensnared in the muddle and negligence that the great British public never really forgave them for. It had to be the Tories, of course. It had to be their fault because nobody else was responsible for the lies, betrayals, the confusion, misunderstanding and one calamity after another.

But now that the Tories have left the building, it may be only a matter of time before the new Labour government, under the supposedly stabilising influence of Sir Keir Starmer, mess it all up again. Typical, hey! You leave 10 Downing Street for the last time under former Prime Minister Rishi Sunak and all hell threatens to break loose. But fear not. All may not be lost. Hold on tight. The Labour party may be enjoying their honeymoon period but then they'll return from their romantic idyll and harsh reality bites.

At the moment, Sir Keir Starmer looks cool, composed, unruffled by hitherto dormant turmoil. There can be no need though to panic though because this has to be Starmer's sabbatical period. He can probably relax for a while because nothing untoward or disastrous has happened so far so it's time for him to put up his feet metaphorically of course and just assess his next plan of action. But there are those out there who probably think he should be busting a gut to rectify the terrible mistakes made by the previous government.

So where are we at the moment. Starmer is bedding into his new job, the long, probationary time frame, the searching examination of his ability to just get on with the business of running the country. The eyes are firmly trained, the microscope is out and dragons are breathing fire down his neck. This could be very awkward and uncomfortable for the Labour party. They've had to wait 14 years to kick out the Tories and now the burdens of responsibility are hanging heavily on them. You'd better roll up your sleeves quickly because the hard work starts now. It's time to paper over those gaping cracks and just repair the damage.

Historically, the Labour party have invariably been faced with all of those grossly inaccurate budgetary miscalculations left behind by the Conservatives. But, depending on your point of view, Labour were hardly angels themselves. But when Harold Wilson left office at the beginning of the 1970s and Edward Heath arrived at 10 Downing Street, we were still in a state of flux, our economic state in rags and tatters, our morale at its lowest. Then Heath became Prime Minister and eventually it all went belly up again. During the mid 1970s, the miners went on strike almost indefinitely, the electricity was turned off for ages, we all had to stumble around in the dark with candles and chronic power cuts reduced Britain to its lowest point.

Now trade union anarchy dominated the news agenda, men in dark coats and caps rubbing their fingers together desperately for warmth around smoking braziers. It was the winter of discontent and boy did we know it. The nation was stamping its feet in anarchic anger and poor old Ted Heath didn't quite know which way to go or who to turn to in its deepening crisis. So he went on onto the TV and reassured us that as soon as the electricians and miners reached an amicable agreement then we'd be up on our feet and striding towards the promised land of green pastures and breathless prosperity.

Today though Britain faces the party political conference season at a critical stage. We could turn in the wrong direction and find ourselves back where we before or just hope for the best. According to Sir Keir Starmer, there are no magic wands and these things will take time. There are no wizards or sorcerers, no potions or bottles of medical pills that can suddenly hasten a miraculous recovery overnight. Starmer will pace himself very patiently and then slowly exert his influence. The cynics may be telling him to get his finger out, becoming immediately proactive and busily industrious.

The chances are that whenever the political parties get together for their yearly junket there will be much hearty laughter, gallows humour by the lorryload and, for some, childish behaviour. There will be back biting, fierce sneering, sniping, snarling and character assassinations to the fore all the time. No love will be lost and they'll be up there at the top table, delivering statements of the obvious, passionate denunciations and furious speeches full of fire and brimstone. Sparks will fly behind the scenes, hotel reception areas will be simmering with hatred, insulting invective and the kind of language that would have probably deeply offended the likes of moral campaigner Mary Whitehouse.

This year will surely be no different to any other. They'll be climbing onto their controversial bandwagon, rattling each other's cages, winding each other up to breaking point and stressing everybody out into the bargain. The volume will be ratcheted up, hollering and shouting will become a temporary Olympic medal winning event and nothing will be achieved in the short term and, regrettably, the long term quite possibly. Votes will be taken to the hall and members of respective political parties will air their forthright opinions. Before you can bat an eyelid thunderous applause will greet the Prime Minister because of course he knows what he's doing and nobody should ever contradict him in these early months of a brand new government.

And this is where the fault lines become instantly apparent. At the moment, Sir Keir Starmer is out on his own with little or no opposition from the Conservative party. Although Rishi Sunak is now shadow leader of His Majesty's government, there is no influence, no voice, no real presence, a vital threat to Labour's supremacy. The country is in no win territory. Labour are still being scrutinised and judged while the Tories are just licking their bloodied wounds. So what on earth is going to happen this year at party conference time?

Will Sir Keir Starmer just hold back from whatever may be going through his mind? This is supposed to be the most exciting time for a new Prime Minister. But there can be no time for bragging and boasting because on the opposition bench are the Tories and there's nobody to argue with. The Conservative party are in the middle of an election campaign for a new leader which means that Starmer is stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. He can't criticise and attack the Shadow cabinet because that has now gone missing. How good it must have felt for Margaret Thatcher when she discovered either Michael Foot or Neil Kinnock were sitting on the opposition green bench. In theory, this must have felt as if Thatcher was talking to nobody in particular.

So here we are again and the roles have been reversed quite dramatically. For years, The Tories were in seventh heaven, smug and vindicated, very pleased with themselves because nobody could ever challenge their overwhelming superiority. Thatcher just stood there like a commanding officer in the army, bellowing out dogmatic instructions to her Cabinet colleagues, asserting her unassailable authority and demanding respect. She wandered around factories which were slowly heading towards bankruptcy, three million people were allegedly unemployed, job centres resembled football crowds and Thatcher just revelled in polarising the nation, dividing it in half.

Then there was John Major and, more recently David Cameron, Boris Johnson and Theresa May while Labour were just tormenting themselves. They must have thought Tony Blair would be in Downing Street for ever but even he'd had enough after 10 years at Number 10. Gordon Brown, sadly, just came and went in a flash of a camera bulb and then there was Cameron, Johnson and May with just a five minute shift from the fragrant Liz Truss.

And now the decks have been cleared once again for powerful ranting, ministers getting all hot and bothered and discussion rooms with secretive back chatting. At frequent points the audience will start clapping frantically and then whole heartedly so hard that if there are any residential areas within earshot, doors will have to be shut up and you'll have to hide your animals well away from all the noise and madness. Board up your homes and shut windows, folks. The politicians are on their way.