England in cruise control and off to Euro 2020 Finals.

England in cruise control and off to Euro 2020 Finals.

This is the Harvest Festival season for the England football team. They have now yielded a bumper crop of goals sufficient to send them straight to the Euro 2020 Finals next summer. In the orchards of European football, England have finally landed a plum role in next year's European Championships. How simple was that? In fact this had to be the easiest qualifying group England have ever had to negotiate in a tournament that next year celebrates its 60th anniversary. No sweat at all.

But still there remains a depressing inevitability about England qualifying groups in both their World Cup and European Championship participation. In recent years England have seemingly turned up for all of these ridiculous mismatches against appallingly sub standard and poor European and world opposition with nothing to play for and having already secured qualification months before the Finals.

By the end of their almost predictable 7-0 thrashing of poor, battered and demoralised Montenegro some of us were already questioning the logic of these humiliating no contests. In fact it was rather like pitting an experienced heavyweight boxer against a desperately weak and compliant, young kid with only a couple of bouts under his belt. Oh how we sympathised with Montenegro on a night when the England football team notched up their 1.000th match  and captain Harry Kane helped himself to the easiest hat-trick he will ever score.

England have now clocked up a wonderfully impressive 32 goals in this Euro qualifying group and you began to wonder why the powers to be at UEFA continue to give England birthday parties when they allocate them their very generous supply of European patsies. Once again Montenegro gave the Wembley crowd a superb impersonation of a punch bag who just keep coming back for more of the same punishment.

If the memory serves us correctly the last time England had to struggle for qualification at a major tournament was the 1998 World Cup. Here a bloodied and bandaged Terry Butcher and a tireless Paul Ince danced around like a couple of fifth form playground schoolboys when they realised that a 0-0 draw against Italy would be enough to take to them to the following summer's World Cup in France.

Even so beggars can't be choosers and if the opposition is to be negligible then so be it. Montenegro were one of the many teams left behind when the old Yugoslavia went its separate ways. They have not been around long enough to provide any semblance of opposition for an international side so perhaps this result was to be expected. A 7-0 defeat though did seem rather cruel and heartless.

Time was when the likes of Turkey and Luxembourg used to come to Wembley ready and waiting to be rolled over and then massacred by six, seven, eight and even nine goals. And yet in more recent times these same teams have become much more enlightened. For Montenegro this was the most excruciatingly painful operation they were ever likely to get. After 20 minutes or so of this farcically uneven match, most of the England fans were probably thinking about a hasty retreat home so complete was England's dominance.

After their ugly encounter against Bulgaria where moronic racism threatened to spoil England's night of six goal perfection, England returned home to Wembley to rubber stamp qualification to next year's Euros which will be spread, quite literally, all over Europe. England will host both semi Finals so already a nostalgic tang of Euro 96 can be sensed.

For England manager Gareth Southgate this must have been like watching his team convert an open goal or that sweetest of tap ins on the goal line. Southgate, now amusingly without waistcoat, reminded you of one of those overjoyed grammar school students on learning of their examination results. This was no history lesson though because every time England have been required to qualify for a tournament they tend to keep it fresh and present.

The fun began on the night when Alex Oxlade Chamberlain, so unfortunately injury prone when called up for England in the past, was on the end of an immaculately weighted crossfield ball from Leicester's Ben Chilwell. The cross from deep fell invitingly at Chamberlain's feet and the winger drilled home England's opening goal with a ferocious thump.

What felt like moments later England went further ahead. An exquisitely floated free kick met Harry Kane flush on the head and the England forward glanced the ball home with the merest of nudges of his head and the ball flew past the Montenegro goalkeeper. For the rest of the game the visiting keeper would have to be gainfully employed for a vast majority of the first half although things did seem to become much more manageable for the second half.

Then the increasingly prominent Chilwell swung in a corner for Kane to complete the formalities with another header that he could have swept into the net in his sleep. We were now almost half an hour into this training exercise of a match and now England were just playing with Montenegro like a three year old with a battery operated toy on Christmas Day. In fact if any Montenegro player had touched the ball once it would have been considered a lot.

Now it was carnival time for Gareth Southgate. They were now passing the ball in short, pitter patter movements, pleasing short passes across the middle of the pitch and then metrically precise passes from the back that had enjoyable echoes of Brazil at their best, France at their most sublime and Germany at their neatest, most thorough and methodical. You could hardly exclude Italy who tormented teams with their insistent emphasis on defensive efficiency followed up with classic finishing.

With Manchester United's striker Marcus Rashford at his most powerful and ruthless, Harry Winks of Spurs now dictating the middle of the pitch with admirably precocious ball control, England were now flying high on the crest of a wave. Winks was immaculate, a steady and consistently controlling influence in England's midfield and with his Spurs predecessor Glen Hoddle watching from the TV commentary box, Winks could hardly believe that everything was going so well for him.

Rashford it was though who added a fourth goal after a period of pin ball on the edge of the Montenegro penalty area. Another shot was only partially cleared and Radford was on hand to drive the ball low and hard into the back of the net. Rashford's damaging running at pace with the ball was unlocking and disturbing an opposition defence who must have been praying for a quick drive back to the airport.

Then just before half time Rashford was the man of the hour yet again. The Manchester United striker almost sliced open the visitors defence with a bullocking charge that just couldn't be held back. He bustled his way to the by line, shrugged off defenders with all the ease of somebody opening up an envelope and clipped the ball low to Sancho who cut the ball back for an onrushing Tammy Abraham. The Chelsea attacker seemed to slide the ball into the net although an own goal was later attributed to Montenegro.

The second half would now become a perfect exercise in damage limitation. England set about the task like a forgiving parent who would never dream of scolding their offspring. Maybe they should have been lenient and indeed this seemed to be the case. England spent most of the second half like a gardener pruning their geraniums or cutting off wilting petals. Occasionally there would be a period of delightful self indulgence and then the thought must have occurred to them that their opponents had suffered enough.

Finally with the game done and dusted long, long ago, England almost reluctantly decided to score a seventh. Another daisy chain of passes resulted in another fantastic cross from the nicely maturing Trent Alexander Arnold. Harry Kane, with all the natural instincts of a striker, positioned himself cleverly and then clubbed the ball firmly past a helpless visiting keeper. Job done.

So it is that England reach another high prestige football tournament. The reaction of course was one of obvious delight. But there are some of us who may rightly believe that we've all been here a thousand times with England. You jump over some of the smallest of hurdles and then trot over the winning line with the pacemakers miles behind you. Of course England have qualified for Euro 2020 because they always do and may do again repeatedly. Only the Czech Republic have laid a glove on England and that can't be good.

 This is like one of those familiar dress rehearsals where all of the cast remember their lines with effortless ease.  Their first night butterflies, you suspect, are bound to set in fairly rapidly though and when next summer dawns you may rest assured that England will occasionally find themselves like a rabbit in the car headlights. Oh to be a fly on the dressing room walls of both France, Germany, Italy, Spain or Holland. Still, please don't panic everybody. Let's all have 20:20 vision. Anything could happen and probably will.