Oh Boris- what on earth are you doing?

 Oh Boris- what on earth are you doing?

What on earth were you thinking of, Boris? You've pushed the moral parameters so far back that we may have trouble in ever trusting you ever again. Sometimes you get the feeling that all politicians are completely lacking in any conscience or sense of compassion. Then again this one has got  Boris's DNA fingerprints all over it. We shouldn't be surprised but we are simply amazed. When a convicted criminal is brought up before a jury for the umpteenth time there has to be a point when the prison cell keys have to be rattled. 

Amid all the outrage and incredulity, one man and one man only stands before the nation as the ultimate law-breaker committing the same crime over and over again. It need hardly be said that Boris Johnson, the British prime minister, has broken so many of his self imposed rules and regulations that only the most highly esteemed judge would have little compunction in passing the final sentence. In fact why on earth has Sue Gray, the adjudicator on these matters of state, been required to make her legal contribution when we all know that Boris is guilty as sin?

So where were you on the night of May 20 2020 Mr Johnson? It has been brought to our attention that while the rest of Britain was scared witless, petrified of going anywhere and dreading the coronavirus you Mr Johnson were violating your own set of newly implemented laws. You, quite blatantly, went out of your way to organise any number of boozy garden parties with as much alcohol as you could pour down your throats. You invited what probably amounts to half of your Cabinet to said parties, brought down several ghetto blasters for some loud rave music, got thoroughly blotto and then just danced the night away without a single thought for your own misdeeds. 

But then to add insult to injury on the day before the sad death of His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh you thought it was a jolly good idea to have the wildest and noisiest party of all time. You assumed, in your fatuous ignorance, that a good, old-fashioned knees up and celebration would provide the country with a welcome antidote to its ills and medical struggles. Now forgive me if we're wrong Mr Johnson but the Her Majesty the Queen's husband had only died 24 hours before your party. Didn't it occur to you Mr Johnson that this was neither the time or place for any enjoyment of any sort.

And so we're left with all of the old stereotypes. Former Old Etonian does his utmost to have a good time regardless of the solemnity that had fallen across his Britain. Old Etonian probably gets blusteringly drunk, sticks up two disdainful fingers at the Establishment and tells them exactly what he thinks about the Royal Family and before you know it a full blown scandal has just swept through Westminster.

Now to refer to this latest episode in the life and times of Boris Johnson as disgraceful and utterly reprehensible would be another understatement. Not content with either being there or not, the fact remains that our Old Etonian party animal has let down not only the country but, seemingly everybody around him. Even your own colleagues are thinking of jumping ship, quite rightly abandoning you and deserting you in their droves.This is outrageously unacceptable behaviour and any number of feeble apologies will not cut it. This will never do and you know it won't.

What we have here is a music hall joke and pastiche for Prime Minister. For far too long now the blond one from Uxbridge has shambled around the country like a dishevelled kid who refuses to comb their hair at the  end-of -year classroom photo. Now we could make allowances for your total ineptitude by just glossing over this blunder and hoping that you'll learn by your mistakes. But somehow Mr Johnson we don't think you will. You do the same thing time after time and to be perfectly frank, it doesn't look good for you.

How many more times are you going to trip over your own banana skin and just make the same mistake over and over again? We think and the jury must consider this. We think that you're behaving like this because you're an attention seeker, always insisting that the spotlight should only be on you. We should not call you narcissistic because if that had been the case you'd spend most of your time trying desperately to comb that devastated mop of blond hair. We think you'd just stare at yourself in the mirror just in case your ego decides to go on a long sabbatical. No chance of that happening, we suspect. 

And so the drama continues unabated. Our other Right Honourable friend, one Jacob Rees Mogg, one of Boris's closest buddies, has obviously given his friend the benefit of the doubt. Rees Mogg, a man lost in his own time warp, gives the most excessively patronising speech you'll ever hear in the House of Comedy or should that be Commons. Of course Rees Mogg knows how hard the last two years have been for everybody in Britain and the rest of the world. His heart goes out to all the families who have lost loved ones and why wouldn't he? But then he lowers the tone in a simpering voice and tries to convince all of his Cabinet colleagues that he's deeply sorry for any inconvenience which may have been caused. 

Today Boris Johnson stands accused and condemned as the villain of the piece. You'd have thought by now that somehow the penny had dropped for Johnson. You did break the law several times over apparently. You did have your hand in the cookie jar and these are transgressions that may never be forgiven. You've betrayed your country when you thought nobody was looking and you've alienated most of the British population. We don't hate you Mr Johnson but we think your latest indiscretions should be punished accordingly. 

We are now in dangerous political territory. We have a Prime Minister who lied through his teeth not once but repeatedly so. He said he was full of remorse and he didn't mean to do what he did but hope you'll understand that every so often humans make rash judgements. Yes of course humanity is flawed and vulnerable but perhaps the Prime Minister thought this one through, that the very concept of holding any party on the night before the passing of a much loved member of the Royal Family is simply an insult to their memory. Sorry Boris but this time you've run out of excuses. Could the nation please have your resignation? It's for the best.