Holiday chaos

 Holiday chaos

At this point in the year we normally begin to wind down from the annual holiday abroad experience only to find that there has to be somewhere out there that is reliably and consistently warm and hot. We could though do without all the hassle that normally comes with that unnerving ordeal. So here we are at a British airport. The suitcases have been packed, clothes squashed together in the neatest order and passports checked rigorously. If we haven't already had our fill of hotel based holidays and plenty of wall to wall sunshine and baking heat then now seems as good a time as any to venture out into the land of sun loungers and pina coladas by the thousand, sitting luxuriously by the swimming pool.

But yesterday was not the time to even consider jumping onto a plane in the hope of escaping the British weather. Across the country, families with children now on their six week summer odyssey, tried to battle their way through a complex minefield. We all wished them well. Besides, the kids are driving mum and dad mad with complaints and petty demands. They're bored aren't they? You can see it plastered all over their little faces, poor dears. So mum and dad succumb to the intolerable pressures, book the said holiday to the Mediterranean for a week or two on Expedia.com and bingo. It's time for a late summer holiday folks.

However, what happened yesterday was the culmination of a series of events that we could have anticipated back in the middle of June or July. You know this is probably the busiest period for sun-kissed holidays to Spain, Greece and Italy and of course there was chaos, panic, pandemonium and an air of palpable anger. It all went haywire, lost in the translation and communication and beyond anybody's understanding. 

There were cancelled flights, frustrated and irate passengers desperately kicking their heels, bemused staring at electronic boards with departure and arrival times, countries that maybe we hadn't heard of before but simply fancied their moment of glory and so much more. In fact there were so many holidaymakers going nowhere that it would have been so much simpler to get back into the car and head for home. And yet your kids just want to let off steam on their inflatable ducks while tumbling into a bracing swimming pool. You couldn't deny them these innocent pleasures. Or could you?

So the holidaymakers sat down on their suitcases, wandered across to the innumerable perfume shops for the fifteenth time, browsed around WH Smith and then gazed longingly across to another breakfast at McDonalds. Some of us looked at their anguished faces and felt desperately sorry for them. It would be the August Bank Holiday from hell. Nobody wanted to be there but circumstances had dictated otherwise. It's never advisable to go on holiday at this time of the year because almost the whole British population seems to have the same idea. Hence we had yesterday in all of its exasperation.

But of course holidays are supposed to be a time of  happiness, relentless enjoyment, eating chips for breakfast, tea and lunch, smothering ourselves with sun factor 86 and then chilling out with family and friends. In theory we should be booked in at reception, released from the necessity of emptying our suitcases and just exposing our bodies and faces to the tanning rays from the skies. It'll be a roasting 90 degrees in the shade and how we wish our family could be here. Or not as be it the case.

This time though those great, big aeroplanes were locked down and resigned to another day of inactivity and inertia. We should have been in the air ages ago but then somebody in authority thought it might be a good idea to change all of the arrangements because up until now everything had looked so organised and normal. So announcements were made, plans disrupted and the kids couldn't take any more. You broke it gently to them but there was a slim chance that they wouldn't be going to Spain after all.

Although officially a Bank Holiday the whole concept of holidaying should have run its course. During May, June or July we normally descend on these salubrious sun-soaked Spanish tourist resorts without a care in the world and looking forward to two weeks of bliss, sleeping by the pool and then reading our paperback books at the same time. It can hardly get any better. And for a while this summer seemed to be following its familiar course. Britain has had four seasons in one day but how we loved it and felt good to be alive. 

And then we witnessed the frightening winds were battering Spain. Suddenly there were torrents of rain on the very place where a month ago there had been a sweltering heatwave and forest fires. Sun loungers and deckchairs were sent flying and Spain was in exactly in the same position as Britain. We were just puzzled and totally uncomprehending. We hadn't ordered this one or had we? Now the holiday period was just  over once and for all. Now go back to London, Manchester, Newcastle, Birmingham, Liverpool, Leeds, Nottingham and all four points of the British compass. It's almost autumn and we should all be hunkering down in front of the TV, thinking of switching on the central heating and remembering that we're all in a cost of living crisis. 

So we grab hold of our suitcases from the airport carousel that keeps whirring around, head for the car or train and just hold onto our memories affectionately. Still, the whole family including mum and dad, uncles and aunties, cousins, parents and grandparents had to find just a remote corner of the Iberian peninsula where the mountains have always towered over the prettiest of landscapes and the sangria has always flowed.

Now though is the end of August and shortly all of our holidays will be preserved on our I Pads and phones rather than the old Kodak Instamatic camera. How we used to love taking dozens of film rolls, snapping a myriad of dazzling photos and then taking them to the chemist to be converted into physical imagery. August will wend its way to a close and September will chuckling away at us quite privately because it knows that the weather will be loaded with variables and extremes.

For some of us September marks the beginning of the Jewish high holy days and the start of a New Year which to those of us who aren't Jewish seems a bizarre anomaly. Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year used to be all about formality, fashion trends and, most importantly, good health. We pray and chant, sing together harmoniously in shul(synagogues) and then eat or (fress) delightedly. We chat in a quiet undertone, exchange pleasantries on cars, football, business is business and then spread goodwill to one and all.

Some of us are looking forward to Yom Kippur( the day of the Fast, abstinence, denial, no amusement or entertainment, food or drink. It is time to do penance, 25 hours of repentance, casting aside those heinous sins we've committed and reflecting on who we are. We have no grandiose wishes, plans and ambitions because we have our loving and supportive family and we are grandparents so we're just thrilled. We have our mental and physical health and that's all that matters.

There you have it my friends? This may be the right time to forget about airports since most of us have already sampled different and exotic scenery. We are heartily sick of marathon walks around airports which take the best part of two and half hours to negotiate. By the time we get to the final boarding of the plane we are emotionally exhausted, drained of energy and just wishing the process had been rather less traumatic. But hold on somebody has just given us tickets for a Caribbean cruise. We'll see you in Barbados or maybe just Skegness at a bed and breakfast hotel. Holidays hey! Oh for the fun and laughter. See you at the pool!