National Leftovers Day.

 National Leftovers Day.

So there you are. It's that interim period between the end of Christmas Day and the New Year. The front room is in complete disarray, your friends and family have gone back to their own domestic hearth and it'll take ages to clear up the mess on the carpet or laminate flooring. It looks like a battleground of torn wrapping paper, ribbons, hundreds of pieces of string, burst balloons and plastic toys that the dog or cat has completely devoured. 

There is carnage wherever you look, the remnants of glorious revelry, empty soft drink cans, an abundance of bottles of now sour lager and just the traditional conviviality that normally lingers around your home. Meanwhile a couple of relatives are still polishing off that last bottle of whisky and gin before swigging back that last remaining can of cider.

This whole period is all about recovery, relief, festive jubilation and regret with just a hint of remorse. But we were happy to be among loved ones because without them we'd have felt as if Christmas wouldn't have been the same. We're hungover, the hair of the dog sensation is still making us feel awful, we're bleary eyed and bewildered and the sense of a shuddering anti climax has well and truly set in. If only we hadn't eaten and drunk too much and besides we should have been more grateful for the presents from relatives we'd always had time for.

But now is the time to survey your living room and just stare at the damage, detritus, the pines and needles strewn all over the chairs and tables, armchairs and staircases. There is food scattered all over mantelpieces, bits and pieces of Christmas crackers torn to shreds by our friendly dog and just the wreckage of another festive knees up.  How did that happen?  So we throw off the sleeping blankets, plump up the cushions now crumpled and crushed beyond recognition and just acknowledge that Christmas did happen. This wasn't a figment of our imagination since it just materialises at the end of the year and there's nothing we could do about it.

And so today Ladies and Gentlemen today is National Leftovers Day and where do we start? We'll probably raid the fridge later on in the hope of finding the crusts of bread loaves which used to be turkey and cranberry sauce sandwiches but have now been reduced to something that is just not edible any more. There are half drunk bottles of milk which are now beginning to curdle and could be mistaken for yoghurt while empty cans of Iron Bru, Coca Cola, Fanta and Red Bull just clutter everything up. They should have been destined for the wastepaper basket immediately but were never discarded because we just couldn't be bothered to chuck them.

The whole living space is just one claustrophobic muddle of rubbish, gallons of alcohol consumed with relish and then just left there to mould and rot. National Leftovers Day is a day for finishing off the remains of sausage rolls we would normally have gobbled down with the turkey on Christmas Day. But now they just sit there in the corner of your lounge just feeling sorry for themselves. They look forlorn, shocked, stunned, wishing they could be swept up properly and never seen again. Then there are the pork pies and bacon butties Uncle Jim just couldn't stomach and left hanging on the edge of a table waiting patiently for a vaccum cleaner to relieve his conscience.

Over there, there are piles of TV listings magazines stained irreparably with coffee stains, fag ashes from a thousand cigarettes and mobile phones ringing with a symphony of ringtones ranging from Mozart to the new single from Ed Sheeran. There is an air of stunned amazement as if somebody is half expecting the neighbours to call the police. The kids are still as hyper energetic and noisier than they've ever been before and there are petty arguments about whose turn it is to do the washing up. We mustn't forget those endless discussions about the complete lack of anything on the TV that was actually worth watching. Voices are raised and the volume has been cranked up dramatically. Will you stop making a raucous racket?

There is now an air of decay and decadence about this whole Christmas period. What began innocently as a warm family gathering has now degenerated into bedlam. We can no longer realise what it was like to live our normal lives when everything seemed to be in its right and proper place. Suddenly the last week in December had reached a crisis point, a scene of complete disorder and devastation, not exactly a bomb site but just not the home we thought we knew. We have reached the end of our tether with our relatives and wishing they would have just gone home when we told them to.

Personally some of us embraced Christmas with the loveliest of hugs. My lovely father in law celebrated his 92nd birthday with all his doting family around him. He was born on Christmas Eve so that was an easy one to remember. On Christmas Day a neighbour was invited up to our flat to snap some Christmas crackers and to be honest it was very jolly, jovial, humorous, upbeat and extremely pleasant. We had a magnificent time with people we loved and respected so Christmas had been both successful and rewarding. 

But hey what on earth are we going to do with those brand new socks and shoes that are just lying there on the floor and simply don't fit us? Now those brand new trousers and shirts look very stylish and we're glad you came for Christmas because your company has been more than welcome. But once again we look around us and find the leftovers of everything we thought had been consumed both on Boxing Day and Christmas Day. There are half eaten boxes of Celebrations and Quality Street chocolates that are now mouldering away, sweet wrappers in places we never thought they would turn up and just conspicuous consumption. 

Now more than ever we feel very blessed for everybody who made the last couple of days so special. Who cares about the leftovers because we'll leave those for New Year's Eve? Then we can do the same thing all over again by way of repetition. But hold on. Do we really have to go through that tiresome rigmarole of tidying up and just clearing up on New Year's Day. This is too traumatic ordeal for any of us to contemplate. But hey everyone it's National Leftovers Day and we'll take it home to give to our gorgeous dog. He or she will just eat it all up in a matter of seconds. It's a perfect day and we wouldn't have it any other way.