It's all very worrying and unnerving.

It's all very worrying and unnerving.

Slowly but surely the streets are emptying, the roads almost completely devoid of any semblance of traffic and the whole world now seems to be on tenterhooks. It feels like one of those frequently frightening Doctor Who episodes where the daleks have already invaded, the cyber men have left a trail of wreckage and millions of people around the world have locked their doors fearful of something quite calamitous and fin de siecle. We haven't quite reached the end of the world or the century for that matter but to judge by the state of some of our leading supermarkets it could all be over by midnight tonight.

The coronavirus has hijacked all of our innermost feelings, held hostage our ability to think lucidly and sensibly and then made us think twice about going anywhere for the rest of the year. Surely this can't last and there has to be an end in sight. For roughly the best part of a fortnight the good citizens of the world have been disabled, restricted, restrained, limited and constrained by forces completely out of their control. They can no longer function in a way that would have been considered as both acceptable, normal or straightforward. They have been instructed to behave in a way that is totally anathema to them because it doesn't seem right and besides you just have to get on with it.

And yet we can't. We've become social outcasts, no longer allowed to mix comfortably with our fellow human beings in case everybody around is chronically infected. Social interaction has been strictly forbidden and if you so much as sneeze or cough you're likely to be quarantined or arrested, sentenced to an indefinite period in your living room and then just left to find things to do which can alleviate any sense of boredom or fatigue. At this rate we may have to climb several walls or just summon our powers of improvisation.

Not for the first time since the declaration of the coronavirus crisis certain new buzzwords and phrases have suddenly entered our everyday dialogue and speech. Isn't it interesting how the news agendas of recent years have engendered a whole new language? For three complete years Brexit dominated every TV news bulletin and radio phone in to the exclusion of almost every other subject. Then Brexit was joined by Brexiteers followed hard on the heels by snowflakes and finally both hard and soft Brexit just to spice up the syntax. We were being introduced to a curious and totally baffling set of words that simply beggared belief.

So it is that we have now been lumbered with another collection of verbal oddities. This is the course of action we should take if we're afflicted with coronavirus or its symptoms. Yes folks. Here's the sage medical advice from the powers that be. We have to live in a state of self isolation because if we don't we'll have to make sure that we do because nobody is likely to come anywhere near you. Let's just partake in a spot of self isolating since this is the stern directive from the Government and our eminent medical officers.

Now we're all aware of the meaning of the word 'isolation'. The Oxford English Dictionary, you feel sure defines 'isolation' as a state of being alone, lonely, without company, on your own or secluded and seclusion in a manner of speaking. But self isolation has now assumed its very own place in the modern vernacular. In fact right up to today those with the symptoms of coronavirus have been told to self isolate which sounds just a bit sinister but isn't really when you think about it.

Then Ladies and Gentlemen we find that we have to adopt yet more grammatical eccentricity. Not content with 'self isolation' which  in itself sounds slightly disconcerting we also have to deal with 'social distancing' which sounds like something you'd find in any updated version of any sociology text book. Are we to assume here that Britain should just cut off all links with every other human being in both Britain and the rest of the world? Do all families and friends simply sever all links with each other entirely or do we just keep a wide berth from each other for at least the rest of the year.

Of course this is not the time for flippancy or sarcasm because all of us are both anxious, nervous and ever so slightly petrified. But now we have to make absolutely sure that we just keep us far away from each other as its possible to be. These are desperately worrying times since none of us can be sure how to approach each other. We've been gelling and washing our hands vigorously for quite a while now but the truth is that our hands have never been cleaner and you could almost reach the point of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder syndrome.

The facts are these though. All UK schools will shut gates sometime this afternoon for the duration, students taking their GCSEs and A Levels will have to wait another year or perhaps the education authorities will come up with some brilliant plan to keep the minds of their pupils stimulated. But surely the incentive to swot up on those life changing exams has now gone. Who on earth would be a politician at the moment? More importantly who would be either a GP, virologist or surgeon in the current climate? It is quite the most unenviable task for anybody in the medical profession and oh what a nightmare.

But then we look at our great Prime Minister Boris Johnson and those daily medical updates. Faced with the world media, Johnson continues to give the impression of a man who as a child paid absolutely no attention in biology classes at school. Of course he has to keep us informed of the latest developments and surely knows what he's talking about but then there comes a point in a Prime Minister's life when you just haven't got definitive answers to seemingly insoluble problems.

Ever since the appearance of those daily press conferences Johnson has been constructing a whole host of stock answers without quite being prepared for the next question. Then when it all seems to dry up on him he looks to his medical officers and scientists for comfort and solace. You'll have to forgive Boris Johnson because he's not a doctor and there are so many variations on a theme.

At the moment Johnson looks a bit pale, under the weather, understandably stressed out and tired. The body language is that of a man who would much rather be catching up with his sleep or just concentrating on a follow up to his book on Sir Winston Churchill. The eyes look puffy and glazed. The hair has more or less given up on him and that suit has almost become attached to him permanently. Apart from that, all is well but you suspect that here is a man who longs to be free of a crisis which he must have thought had gone away from his attention last year. Then there was the next one.

Still, Britain has to remain calm and composed. We've been here before and we know what to do. If you're off to the supermarket or anywhere for that matter then please be careful. There are only so many bottles of washing up liquid, tins of food, eggs and loo paper you can squeeze into that trolley of yours. There is still an air of desperation in Britain but bulking up on everyday supplies of food to bursting point can never be the answer.

This is not the age of war time rationing nor will the nation run out of Corn Flakes or baked beans. The world will not, assuredly finish tomorrow afternoon at 3.25pm. Nor will all of our notable food emporiums run out of soap, water, Easter eggs, matzo, chutney sauce, eggs, flour, bread or milk. The supermarket shelves tell their own story however and that has to be a source of major concern.

Perhaps the most moving image of yesterday's news agenda could be found in a sobbing nurse at the end of her tether at the steering wheel of her car. Tears pouring from her eyes she explained to us that there was no fruit or vegetables to be found in her local shops and that people should just stop panicking. So people of the world it may be advisable to listen to our caring and compassionate nurse. She has our best interests at heart and simply wants us to be healthy and well.