The Budget.

The Budget.

You've had plenty of time to digest the fall out from Brexit, dwelt thoughtfully on our relatively new Prime Minister Boris Johnson and you may never find out how long it'll take our vastly talented engineers and construction workers to finish the HS2 rail network. But you can be sure that by the end of today you'll certainly know how much a packet of cigarettes or a bottle of scotch and whisky might set you back on your intermittent visits to your local newsagents.

Today the new Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak held up that familiar red box containing all of those vitally important documents and folders which provide Britain with its annual Budget. The Budget is one of those flagship events in the political calendar where politicians keep us in a state of almost unbearable intrigue about the economic future of the country. They assess the balance sheets, survey the long list of taxes, the  endless numbers game and impossibly complicated mathematics that do their utmost to make ourselves feel as though we're much poorer than we thought we were.

In the light of recent floods which have severely disrupted the lives of millions of people across Britain and torn a gaping hole in the agricultural industry, the Government have promised to pump millions and billions into the coffers in an effort to repair the damage and now face the thankless task of breathing new life back into the villages, cities and towns who have suffered so painfully in recent months.

And then there is that eternally emotive issue of the NHS, undoubtedly one of the most precious treasures. The dreadful emergence of the coronavirus as one of the most debilitating diseases to hit the country in years, has thrown into sharp relief the severity of the condition which now threatens the immediate future of  health care and the way in which the NHS has to be seen to respond in these difficult and emotionally challenging times.

We all know about the chronic waiting lists in hospitals across the country, the life and death emergency operations that have always seemingly bedevilled the NHS at every level. We are constantly being reminded and seen at first hand the stretchers in hospital corridors, the elderly who have been left to languish unforgivably in their beds in the same corridors. At times we can only look away in horror at the Victorian neglect, pain and suffering becoming more frequent as the months and years fly past.

But this is no impassioned party political rant on anybody's part just a recognition of the harsh reality of a society weighed down by criminal shortcomings in the infrastructure of a country. It is a criticism  perhaps of a government that can barely cope under the pressure of its nerve racking drawbacks. We are always informed about crumbling schools, the heartbreaking disappearance of those wonderful old shops and department stores who can no longer break even or compete with its wealthier shopping mall counterparts. And then we become very despondent because we've no idea how things were allowed to deteriorate so dramatically.

Still, just for a while the comedians and the comediennes who have now presented Britain with its latest Budget, can sit back in their chaise longues and deep seated chesterfields luxuriously, slapping themselves on the back for another job well done. They will review their memorable one liners, the gallows humour gags and the hilarious sketches which have now left everybody rolling about in the aisles with uncontrollable laughter.

Our great and good Prime Minister Boris Johnson will probably brush back that dense foliage of blond hair from his forehead. He'll probably grin and grin, smirk and smirk and just look at perfect peace with himself. Johnson has finally got the job done and how satisfying must that be seen in any context. He's cracked Brexit, got everybody onside with him and the winds of prosperity are blowing through the shires, counties and cities with a most auspicious breeze.

Finally, the blond one who now lives in 10 Downing Street can finally kick off his shoes, plant his feet in his comfortable Hush Puppies slippers and just stare very proudly at his pregnant girlfriend. Do you know what. Let's break open a bottle of Chardonnay and just celebrate because things, to quote a former Prime Minister, are quite certainly getting better.

Then Johnson will walk down the stairs at 10 Downing Street and peer fondly at another Tory Prime Ministerial predecessor who maintained that the country had never had it so good. At this rate the balance of payments and the Gross Domestic Product that hold the nation's finances together may never have to be checked again at least in the foreseeable future. He'll take one look at Britain's thriving high tech industry, the glowing health of the white and blue collar industries and hardly believe how well things are going

Now Boris will point to the eternally productive output of Britain's manufacturing industry, congratulate himself on the far sighted initiatives taken by all communities across the country, the marvellous progress the country continues to make in the fields of both sport and art and then wonders why anybody would have the audacity to complain and criticise him quite unfairly. Factory orders are flooding in from far and wide, phenomenal profits are being made quite remarkably and who could possibly ask for more?

Back on the trading floors of the City of London, the numbers are stacking up very pleasingly, deals are being secured in both Hong Kong and Malaysia as we speak and before you can blink millions and billions are being poured into a once ailing British economy. We told you it would happen and it has. Brexit will now take us into golden dominions of power and influence previously thought unimaginable.

Today though the Chancellor, sipping quite contentedly on his tot of whisky next to him, pronounces himself as the hero of the hour. He also claimed that the job had been done parrotting the line quoted by his colleague and Prime Minister. For most of the nation the price of petrol in our cars could mean either the end of their driving years or just another small grievance about inflation. The Budget is the one day of the year when we take a very prudent look at our life savings and personal budgets and try to achieve some astonishing balancing act with our money.

For new chancellor Rishi Sunak this was a day of judgment, a time for laying the proverbial cards on the table and hoping that all the aces come up at the same time. You remember previous chancellors such as Ken Clarke who famously would down several whiskies, ease himself into his slippers and just look like a very capable hand at the tiller. The Budget has been announced. Dear old England. This is the way it is and this is the way it should always be. Smile, carry on and keep drinking coffee.