This has to be a crazy dream.

This has to be a crazy dream.

There comes a point during our lives when you feel compelled to say exactly what may be on your mind. It may not necessarily be the right thing to say but on reflection it might hold some credence or bear some semblance of reality. You've given it some serious thought and it does seem obvious even to a complete neutral or outsider. You've chewed this one at great length and it's staring you in the face with the most agonised grimace you can possibly muster.

The German Bundesliga, for all its strengths and merits, has officially made the kind of decision that just defies belief. This is not to suggest that the German football authorities have lost their mind. But there is just a complete sense of utter incomprehension and bafflement. So here's the German grand plan of action. Why don't we re-start the football season again towards the end of May regardless of world thinking and reaction and why don't we pretend that football is some welcome distraction, a lovely diversion designed to make us feel on top of the world?

Because quite clearly the world deserves a breather now, something to bring a smile and laugh to our faces. Besides, how much longer can we be expected to take all of this. It's just abnormal, beyond a joke and surely a vaccine can be found for this wicked old disease. We're tired, we've had enough and our tolerance threshold is beginning to flag. We've enjoyed the clapping and applause for well over a month now and Thursdays will never seem the same without this very charitable act of global benevolence.

But  the German Bundesliga have taken more than they can stand. The number of fatalities and deaths has now dropped to a fairly respectable level, Angela Merkel has had enough of looking grumpy and miserable and it's about time those German workers just jumped onto a train or bus and gone back to work. The coronavirus has more or less gone now in Germany and it's time for the whole of Germany to get up from the sofa, stop eating those frankfurters and drinking its sizeable steins of foaming beer and jolly well play football.

The Germans may have come to terms with the fact that the Munich beer festival towards the end of the year may not be happening. In fact if truth be told the Germans will just have to be very philosophical and  very forbearing. Large mass public gatherings are not and will not be allowed for some time or will they? This virus is no mood for levity or celebration, booze and intoxication are not for any kind of consideration - certainly for the time being.

And yet the German Bundesliga are intent on dragging their footballers out of winter hibernation and giving it to them straight. If you don't complete the football season we may have to take some very punitive action. Bayern Munich will be trembling in their boots because at some point this century they may like to win the Bundesliga once again. Borussia Dortmund, who have enjoyed some resounding success in recent years, wouldn't mind winning the German League once again and you mustn't overlook the very genuine threat posed by Hamburg, Bayer Leverkusen, even Leipzig who used to play their football in East Germany.

Of course we understand that the whole of Germany has gone some pretty difficult, nay less turbulent times ever since the Wall came down in 1989. All of those issues such as unification, political harmony and East meeting West meeting up with each other like old pals, must have had some impact on the social fabric of both West and East Germany. So it's all hands together and time to talk again in a very civilised manner.

This may be the time for Germany to compose itself, breathe in some perspective and step back from itself for just a while, smelling the Hofmeister or whatever the Germans choice of beverage might be. This is not an end of term school sports day, not some Bavarian dance competition in fetching lederhosen, nor is it a temporary holiday in the mountains. The nation has to be prepared to go again in the Bundesliga and football has to re-connect, get real, wake up again and charge headlong into competition and confrontation.

This time though the Bundesliga will resume its footballing hostilities in front of nobody, not a soul, not a voice, not a mum, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin or anybody from football's vast brethren, its community, the fans who give it atmosphere, electricity and unmistakable energy. It's time to turn down the volume right down, shut out any noise completely and remove those pulsating acoustics. German football supporters are not part of anybody's plan and must be kept out of football grounds indefinitely.

It may have been my imagination but you feel sure that you saw a photo yesterday of cardboard cut out people, an idea which has now been proposed for the Bundesliga ding dong matches. This is rather like imposing a blanket ban on all West End theatre goers. They've now been  told that they can't see the Lion King, The Mousetrap or Only Fools and Horses because somebody might sneeze or cough and then they'd have to close down these very celebrated productions for a number of years.

So here we are once again seriously questioning a nation's mentality when, supposedly, that nation is both technologically clever, serial winners of footballing World Cups and generally very thoughtful. In what way can a football stadium be expected to function without any of its lifelong supporters. This one could pan out very embarrassingly for all concerned. Imagine it now. Players very tactile and physical goal scoring celebrations will now have to be scrapped and all of that cuddling will have to be nipped in the bud immediately. What nonsense!

For a country that gave us Ludwig Van Beethoven, Audi and Mercedes cars, Grundig stereos, Jurgen Klinsmann, superb West Germany manager Helmet Schon and Franz Beckenbauer, this has to be the cheapest and tawdriest of all German jokes. We all know about German thoroughness and uber efficiency but the very prospect of watching fit, professional footballers emerging from their dressing rooms and tunnels into a hollow void sends shivers down your spine.

And yet who knows it might just work? They did send a man to the moon and that man did walk on the moon 51 years ago so anything is possible. But how on earth and by any stretch of the imagination will football be able to live with itself.? No cheering from the stands and terraces, no fun loving banter or camaraderie and none of that very special bonding together in a very special sporting cause, is unthinkable, deplorably unimaginable. We'll leave it to the Germans though because they've always known best so good luck with that one.