Donald Trump again in Blighty.

 Donald Trump again

In the newspaper industry, this time of the year used to be referred to as the silly season. But since there have been no sightings of dolphins leaping out of the River Thames, or crocodiles swimming casually near the Lake District, it would be safe to assume that all is well and normal. But yesterday we had to hold ourselves back from giant gale forces of laughter.

We had to compose ourselves and pretend  that it wasn't happening but it did and the sudden realisation dawned upon us that the President of the United States was on British soil again. Oh not him! In ordinary circumstances we'd have been delighted to hear that the leader of the Free world was treading upon British terra firma but some of us were dreading it, hoping against hope that he'd changed his mind and would go back to America. 

Depending upon your point of view, the sight of one Donald Trump would have been enough to send blood pressures soaring and leave behind him utter disgust in equal measure. For what seems like an eternity, Donald Trump has been in charge of a country that used to celebrate its Presidents rather than reviling them. But Trump was back in Blighty after a brief flying visit to his famous Scottish golf course and insisting that he was the most stylish golfer in the world and Gary Player is just an average club player with a mediocre swing. 

But yesterday Donald Trump, accompanied by a thousand security guards, a mighty police cavalcade and his wife Melania, flew into a British airport and then stepped gingerly onto the ground as if he owned most of the Pennines and the Yorkshire Dales. We thought, for a minute, that Trump would strut into the airport lounge and reveal the most outlandish Union Jack waistcoat with St George hat and flags ready to be proudly unfurled. 

For the great Don has never been short of self confidence or bluster, bravado, or, according to some, outright arrogance. Trump attracts publicity like a moth to a light and he does genuinely believe that he is the finest, greatest, most pre-eminent, remarkable and fantastic of all Presidents. Trump maintains that had he been slightly more self assertive, the current war between Ukraine and Russia would have been over within half an hour of its starting point and that Ukranian leader President Zelensky is just an ungrateful, blundering fool.

And yet amid the muck and bullets, the destruction and carnage, the horrendous loss of life and the complete erosion of human and civilised values, Trump will keep lighting the touch paper. By now we should be hardened to the eccentricities, the strange hand gestures, the sheer verbal banalities, the seemingly surreal statements that may have been made up on the back of a cigarette packet. We are no longer astonished at what sound like the half complete ramblings of a man who hasn't a clue what he's talking about. There is the childish petulance when things go wrong and the it's all the fault of the rest of the world. 

But yesterday Trump embarked on his latest diplomatic expedition. It was off to Windsor Castle where King Charles the third and Queen Camilla were ready and waiting. Now the last time Trump was invited over to Britain, our glorious but late and much loved Her Majesty the Queen was, it has to be said, completely humiliated, as Trump shoved Her Majesty aside while inspecting the royal guards. And for a while, it felt as if Trump hadn't learnt any of the royal protocols that are now delightfully traditional. 

In fact, Trump probably leaves whole countries in a state of utter panic and bewilderment. He tries to do the right honourable thing but then plants his feet in it. Admittedly, Trump was just being Trump so maybe we shouldn't have been that surprised. He was smartly suited and booted but then that was simply being polite and respectful. But the business like and serious demeanour disguised much more than met the eye. Every so often the orange blond hair would wave like a British cornfield and there was a hint of ruthlessness in his eyes, perhaps a sinister menace had you looked that carefully. 

Once again though the very appearance of a man who just loves his own image in the mirror and everything he says or does should be given immediate approval, just couldn't be made up. There was a moment though at Windsor Castle when even we were left speechless and dumbfounded. After walking around huge banks of the red jacketed royal guards, Trump simply found himself in what could have turned into a quicksand of embarrassment. 

It all felt that all the formalities had been successfully negotiated until Trump just lost in a world of confusion, locked behind a door from which there was no escape. Approaching one guard, Trump was required to raise a sword and then drop it onto the shoulder of the aforesaid gentleman. At first it looked as if Trump was being asked to let go of a grenade since the President of the United States seemed convulsed with nerves and terrified of what was about to take place.

Thankfully, no harm was done and there was King Charles, chuckling under his breath and giggling with boundless hilarity. Our gracious King had to stifle yet more guffaws because he knew who he was dealing with. Donald Trump, who sometimes acts with all the tact and discretion of a British politician after several pints of lager, continued on his merry way as if nothing unsavoury had been done. 

And so we all greet the President of the United States with the warmest welcome. In several pockets of the British population though, there was anger, bitterness, outrage, venom, hatred and downright resentment. They were taking to the streets forcefully with their bold banners, their inflated babies with nappies. There was a raw detestation of a man who represents everything that is supposedly bad and wicked about Trump himself. They will shout and make themselves heard categorically and do their utmost to make hiim feel completely unwanted and uncomfortable, a nasty blight on the landscape.

But then Trump will dismiss their outpourings of daft protests and tell them to just accept him for who he really is. Sadly, this may be more than delusional wishful thinking. Still, let us watch the latest episode of this never ending soap opera with hands clasped in front of our eyes. It could get funnier and more absurd by the day but at least, it'll all be worth watching. Oh to be a Donald Trump observer.