Oh Boris Johnson- that Tory toff with a heart of gold.

Oh Boris Johnson- that Tory toff with a heart of gold.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you a man by the name of Boris Johnson. After the disastrous fiasco that was the Tory party conference last week the dust has now settled and the Prime Minister Theresa May has recovered her composure. Maybe we all have the kind of day that she had last week where everything that could go wrong does. Still she's a resilient character and the probability is that it may have hardened and strengthened her so all is not lost or maybe she glanced over to Boris Johnson and found that here was an almost reluctant ally in a moment of crisis. He admires her but would really like her job if she doesn't mind.

A week in the life of a politician can often be fraught with danger and may seem a lifetime. When the applause had died down after the Prime Minister had completed her rather unfortunate key speech, a blond haired gentleman had to be almost dragged kicking and screaming to his feet. He ruffled that wild blond thatch on his head, looked up at Amber Rudd and the body language was almost self explanatory. Do I have to clap that infernal nuisance of a woman? Is it really worth my while getting  to my feet and applauding an intolerably ineffectual Prime Minister when quite clearly I should be the man up there leading the country. Britain, quite definitely, needs me in charge and he doesn't mind showing it.

So how to explain away the mindset of this remarkable politician? Throughout the land there are those who either loathe or love Boris Johnson. Johnson has divided the whole of Britain but perhaps feel more than comfortable with the mood of the nation or would just like to put the record straight. There is a strange dichotomy of opinion about Boris that reminds you of his fellow Tory Jeffrey Archer. Archer, you suspect, would have had a field day with Johnson as a central character in one of his novels.

Yesterday Boris was keeping his head beneath the parapet as the missiles were still flying at the Government. You feel sure that deep within his mind there is an irresistible compulsion to challenge the Prime Minister in a leadership contest. Johnson looks power crazy and if given half the chance would probably love nothing better than to collaborate with US president Donald Trump in a desperate quest for world domination.

These then are the descriptive words, adjectives, adverbs and nouns that seem to sum up Boris perfectly. You probably know them by now but, whether right or wrong, the impressions are almost unmistakable. He's vain, egotistical, conceited, ambitious, self possessed, self absorbed, narcissistic, ruthless, scheming, shrewd and, quite possibly, pompous. There you are I've said it. Now to those who worship Boris Johnson I heartily apologise but to the most impartial observer, these references do seem to be much closer to the truth.

Admittedly Boris is a towering intellectual, can speak about 20 languages and remains one of our most intelligent, hugely articulate and studious of all politicians. Nobody would deny for a minute that the man has an academic and ingenious mind because he always seems to give ample demonstrations of his genius, intelligence and verbal dexterity. Of course he's a polyglot and polymath but there is something of the alarming megalomaniac about Johnson that does send a shiver down the spine.

This is not to imply that he has racist, homophobic or sexist tendencies. But there is a sense here that the old Etonian in Johnson is still firing on all cylinders. The dinner party giving, champagne quaffing, cigar smoking toff and snob is an inescapable image and perhaps an unfair stereotype. There is a growing belief that this outrageous good time hedonist and eccentric loves to be the centre of attention at all times. Who cares if I look as though I haven't brushed my blond hair for five years? Who cares if I ride my bike through the streets of London? Who cares about my eccentricities because I'm the best politician Britain has ever had and that's the truth.

What is undeniable is that Boris just loves himself and everything associated with himself. Whether he combs his hair in the morning or not is neither here or there. Boris has written books about Churchill, written for the Daily Telegraph, appeared on TV chat shows, written for the Spectator magazine and I do really think I'm the greatest public figure of all time. Occasionally an underlying modesty and charm defines the man but then he opens the wrong door and a complete lack of tact seeps out of him.

Above all, and perhaps most importantly, Johnson does have one very noteworthy addition to his CV. For a number of years he was Mayor of London which sounds pretty commendable. True he attracted some vile abuse and heavy criticism at times and he'd have needed the thickest skin not to feel it. But Boris Johnson was entrusted with perhaps the most wearisome responsibility ever undertaken by one man in a position of authority.

Johnson was attacked and pilloried for the Boris bikes but was promptly let off the hook when it was discovered that the bikes were not the bad idea some thought they would be. Around the West End and City of London the Boris Santander bikes have their very own bike parks with their snazzy designs and suddenly all is well in the world of Boris Johnson.

Then there was Boris banging the drum for London when the capital city was awarded the Olympic Games in 2012. So he did it get right sometimes if not always. The memory, amusingly, takes me back to that famous moment in the Bejing Games in 2008 when Boris looked forward to watching games of wiff waff or words to that effect. Suddenly Boris had become a man of the people, campaigning on behalf of London and unashamedly patriotic.

Still there can be few who would argue that his tenure as Mayor of London passed off without any major international incidents and it could have been a whole lot worse. There is the quiet humanitarian about him that may have been overlooked. He genuinely cares about both London and the rest of Britain and you often detect signs of an endearing vulnerability that makes him very human.

Now of course Boris has got one of the top jobs in the country and may have to tone down the buffoonish tomfoolery for the cameras. Because this is serious and this is very critical. If he gets this one wrong then Prime Minister Theresa May may have to re-consider her options. Boris Johnson is now the Foreign Secretary which means the rules of diplomacy have to be observed whether he likes it or not.

It is hard to know quite what occupies the Johnson mindset. Does he really want to be our all conquering international negotiator or would he rather be renowned for riding bikes around London or quoting Latin to anybody who comes into his circle of discussion. Academic, writer, Mayor of London, bike rider, bluff humorist, multi lingual and lovable eccentric? Is this the way Boris Johnson would like to be remembered? At times it almost looks as if this is the way he'd like to be perceived because this is the way it's always been.

Even so, none can deny that these are intriguing times within the hallowed corridors of the Palace of Westminster. Nobody quite knows where Britain stand in the general scheme of things. This massively complex issue of Brexit or not Brexit that is the question why is beginning to grate upon those who would much rather our politicians change the record and move onto something much more interesting and less repetitive.

But the world loves a joker, a prankster, a seemingly bumbling and blundering individual and Boris seems to fit the bill perfectly. Then somebody asks him the most awkward of questions and Boris stumbles over his words, tongue tired, monosyllabic mess who would rather be pedalling his bike, running frantically around the streets and roads of London, playing table tennis or perhaps writing his speeches. Now that would be worth listening to.

These are difficult and uncertain times for the Tory Government and the tasks ahead are almost unenviable But with Boris Johnson minding his business and trying almost comically to keep a straight face the future could be much brighter than was at first thought possible. Besides it couldn't possibly get any worse. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Denis Skinner as the Prime Minister of Great Britain. Now that's a West End musical begging to be be written. Hey ho!