Another day, another day of faked news or allegedly. Just ask Donald.
You couldn't really make it up. Which I personally haven't because that would imply lies, fabrication, perjury and a most unwarranted appearance in a court of law. But today, it has to be said, may have been quite an ordinary day in the general scheme of things because today's news more or less stuck to the conventional script.
The BBC Six O' Clock News once again excelled itself. The Beeb, as we know, is one of the last bastions of truth, impartiality, formality and integrity. It was just another day at the office for our esteemed friends at the BBC. But in all seriousness we've always known that those impressive portals at Broadcasting House have, without fail, announced all of today's latest world news with both clarity, objectivity and not a little humour.
It is at this point that I should welcome February into our lives. I have to tell you that February showed that patience is quite definitely a virtue. It began to think January would never end and that eventually there would never be any point in putting in an appearance. But now that it's here it's time to make you feel loved and needed. You've been waiting long enough February so I think we should pour you a long, lingeringly sweet bottle of wine, heralding your arrival. So put your feet up February and enjoy the journey. You can make yourself at home and just savour the scenery.
So what has the news agenda brought us today? Has anything suitably shocking and alarming taken place? Besides, the news agenda has never been of the happiest, jolliest or uplifting kind and once again we were bombarded with the staple fare of gloom, doom, corruption, sleaziness, a touch of pessimism perhaps and then a large slice of woe, desperation and misery.
What, I hear you cry, did we get today? Well there were corrupt lawyers, more disgraceful paedophilia cases and constant references to Brexit again and again. Then there was the prevailing unrest at Southern Trains and the ever present threat of strikes and total discord. If you didn't know any better you could have sworn that the world is about to crumble around us, vanishing into the deepest of black holes.
It almost seems as if the accompanying backing sound track of our lives is one eternal theme of darkness and bleakness. The world was going to hell in a handcart and it was time to give up on everything. Nothing good or virtuous will ever happen so it's time to wave the white flag of surrender and total capitulation.
Tonight's BBC News was once again delivered with an immaculate professionalism and aplomb. It was calmly and earnestly pronounced, an oasis of poise and elegance in a world that only too often is completely lacking in both. In a fairly recent development, the powers that be at the Beeb have felt that it was time for its newsreaders to stand up and remain on the same spot for roughly half an hour which, when you think about it, is a tremendous feat of endurance. But now it's time to get tough and the hierarchy at the BBC have ordered their news anchors to show off how smart and personable they can be.
It is now time to turn the clock back to those hazy, lazy days of yesteryear. In the old days the BBC treated all of the newsreaders with all the deference normally reserved for royalty. For all newsreaders, black dinner jackets and bow ties seemed to be the order of the day. Richard Baker, Peter Woods, Kenneth Kendall and then in more recent times Peter Sissons and John Simpson have all decorated our TV screens with an air of dashing and debonair suavity. If you'd closed your eyes for a minute you could almost imagine you were in some John Collier or Burton menswear shop window.
But this was the way things were in those far off days of the 1950s when the whole world seemed to be in black and white and perhaps the BBC took themselves rather too seriously. But then most of Britain seemed to be recovering from post War austerity, restriction and rationing. Everybody was still stern, strict and utterly principled, the BBC still used those huge microphones and quite naturally felt under obligation to dress up. The news was all, to all outward appearances, very accurate and beautifully spoken without a hint of bias and prejudice. Years later some of the BBC's harshest critics are beginning to think this was the BBC's golden age when the whole world woke to the sound of perfect harmonies and Bill Hayley and the Comets.
Then one day Britain threw off its repressive chains and colour TV gave the news a remarkably brighter appearance and more daring experiments. In the late 1970s the BBC gave the nation its first female newsreader in Angela Rippon who then proudly boasted the longest legs in broadcasting journalism on the Morecambe and Wise show.
And so here we back in the present day and BBC newsreaders are now kindly requested to either stand up for inordinate lengths of time or just sit on a desk which does seem rather rude and unseemly. When was the last time you were required to sit on your desk at either work, school or university? Still it does seem very fit and proper. Maybe the very act of standing up or sitting on a desk or leaning on something tends to convey an air of truth and sincerity. Sitting behind a desk in a BBC newsroom, quite obviously hinted at a hidden agenda, deception or, dare I say it, fake news.
According to some American presidents the news is indeed fake and we're all being lied to over and over again. Yes folks, our new incoming new American president Donald Trump has gone on record as saying, without any fear of contradiction, that the news is all made up. How can the news be right if all Mr Trump can hear are the distant drums of falsehood, complete rubbish, subterfuge, and a smoke-screen that disguises the real news. You're making up it, said the man in America's top job. You couldn't possibly argue with a once shrewd businessman. Donald is, after all, the right man for the job and that's official.
Every day we awake to those bold Hollywood style proclamations of Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States. Every day it almost feels as if at some point that the estimable Steven Spielberg or the even more charismatic and funny Woody Allen will suddenly creep up stealthily on Mr Trump in the White House and just demand he appear in their latest movie blockbuster. The scriptwriters, comedians and late night chat show hosts have now run out of material and can barely control their laughter.
We may be in the early stages of 2017 and already the world shows all the signs of unravelling. Sometimes it seems totally unreal and hardly credible and maybe if we all go to sleep tonight we'll all wake up tomorrow and pretend it was a fake story perhaps. Tonight's BBC news ended on quite the most bizarre note. Donald Trump launched a scathing attack on former Mr Universe and film legend Arnold Schwarzeneger who retaliated with something akin to a humorous jibe. It was one of America's weirdest and wackiest of all spats, Trump poked fun at Schwarzeneger and Trump had his go at confrontational politics. It was perhaps the most hilarious moment of this early February news day. Pass me the popcorn somebody. This is very enjoyable.
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