The Oscars - Hollywood in all its splendour.
It could only have happened at the Oscars. We knew that it would and maybe we shouldn't have been that surprised or disappointed. The yearly ceremony encompassing the whole of the showbiz industry and some of our most well known celebrities, once again found Hollywood itself as the centre of attention and the centre of the universe.
The BBC news have just devoted at least quarter of an hour to that incident at the Oscars award ceremony. It was the Beeb's lead story and took precedence to the daily dose of war, argument,exploitation, corruption,violence and general pandemonium around the rest of the world. And that was just the rest of the news. I have to tell you that it made a welcome change to all of those nonsensical explosions that continue to act as an almost permanent soundtrack to our lives.
So what exactly happened? Did the lights go out in Hollywood, was there a major power cut in Los Angeles or was it the biggest cock up in Oscars history? All seem to be going well for most of the ceremony until the most important award of the evening. This would be the greatest, most successful, biggest budget, epic production that any film aficionado would richly celebrate for the rest of their lives.
A hushed silence fell across LA and the last of the audience's applause began to dissolve. There was, albeit temporarily, a stunned amazement and suspension of belief. For as long as Hollywood can remember the Oscars have provided us with some of the most enthralling evenings of typically crazy showbiz entertainment. As events were to prove last night this was perhaps one of the most embarrassing and farcical in Hollywood history.
Before last night's showbiz shambles, it was rumoured that a galaxy of film actors and actresses would use the whole occasion as a political platform. But this is usually the case anyway so maybe we should have known that something untoward would take place. You suspected that Donald Trump was probably hiding in a dark cupboard or trembling with fear in case the whole of Hollywood was about to gang up against him. And yet nothing seems to faze him and you suspect that he would be the last celebrity to feel threatened by anybody. Besides, as Trump never tires of telling us, all news is fake, artificial, sham, distorted and totally untrue. But Donald doesn't do persecution complexes and any damaging reference to him at the Oscars would have been completely ignored or roundly condemned as utter rubbish.
So it was then that the great announcement was made. The best film of the year had been La La Land. Or was it? Warren Beatty opened up the envelope, smiled almost apologetically and then retreated into confusion and puzzlement. Beatty is one of America's most loved and treasured of all showbiz stars. He looked around him and tried to make sense of what was going on around him. Everywhere, the whole of Hollywood briefly panicked, a startled assembly of the Hollywood glitterati hiding their faces in complete embarrassment before dissolving in uncontrollable laughter.
Beatty was accompanied by Faye Dunaway, one of the most accomplished and consistent actresses ever to grace the silver screen. Dunaway and Beatty, of course, were those evil, scheming and manipulative baddies in Bonnie and Clyde. For a moment you were taken on a wondrous journey back to the 1960s when the stars seemed to shine almost constantly. It was hard to know who was more amused at the sheer hilarity of it all. Beatty, Shirley Mclaine's brother, looked at his envelope and then haltingly blurted out the wrong information. Dunaway deliberately stifled her understandable giggling and it all got rather silly. You half expected Jackie Mason to come on with his inimitable Jewish comedy.
For what seemed an eternity La La Land was still the best movie of the year and film observers all over the universe were about to give the film the most rousing of standing ovations. Then there was incredulity, a delayed reaction and a sense that all was not right. Half way through La La Land's acceptance speech there was a sudden commotion and frantic hand waving. A gentleman with a beard, smart suit and tie made the most telling of interventions. Then there was a change of mind or change of script or maybe somebody had blundered on the grandest of scales. It was Hollywood quite possibly imitating itself and how we loved every single second.
Suddenly within a matter of seconds the best film had become Moonlight. Now it was impossible to read the mind of those responsible for Moonlight. But it's probably safe to assume that they didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Sometimes there are moments in our life when we all want the ground to swallow us up. Whether it's a presentation at work or an after dinner speech, we all stumble over our words, mix our metaphors or succumb to those every day human mistakes, faults and flaws.
But then it all seems to come out correctly and properly. Eventually normal service was restored, dignity remained intact and Hollywood still abandoned itself to those glitzy, glittering and glamorous parties that have almost become a yearly event.
For those who remember Hollywood in what might have been considered its golden age, this had not have been an evening to remember with any kind of affection. How, for instance would the legendary likes of James Stewart, Gregory Peck, Burt Lancaster, James Cagney, Edward G, Robinson and Kirk Douglas have responded to this comical charade. Perhaps with a shrug of the shoulder and the funniest of all remarks as well as a thick ladle of irony.
In recent years we've had emotional, tearful acceptance speeches and remarkable political speeches full of gravity and gravitas. Hollywood loves to lay it on thick believing privately that their pearls of wisdom will hit just the right spot. Many of us just chuckled and chortled because we all thought that this is the way Hollywood wants to be portrayed to the outside world. Besides we haven't had a great deal to laugh about recently so maybe this was the ultimate antidote.
Last night the Oscars indulged itself quite unashamedly in one of the craziest exhibitions of wild absurdity. Hollywood once again secured its place in our hearts and minds without even trying. This morning America gazed across the whole dreamscape that is Hollywood and probably yearned for something like normality. Hollywood, America. I think you're all brilliant.
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